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August: Month of Transitions

August: Month of Transitions

White flower arrangementIt’s August: the month where days leading up to my birthday later in the month are days of remembrance for all those dear to me, with the exception of my beloved Fred, transitioned out of this plane… in August. On August 9, many years ago, my mother Rosa passed, and three years ago, on August 8 it was Ruth’s turn. I referred to Ruth as “my sister,” but in reality she was much more. Her loving attention to early my physical and spiritual needs surpassed what the most loving natural mother would lavish on her child. I loved her dearly and knowing she no longer moves about in the house once called Catalina saddens me. With her leaving, I am the oldest of the lot in both my families.

I visited Ruth more or less frequently in the later years, during my search for identity and the whole year after I retired. We spent many hours reminiscing about our mother Esther and the indelible imprint she left on our souls. I learned much about her childhood and early years. When her eyes began to fail, I read her stories that evoked pre- WWI years, years and events she remembered as a child in Berlin. I miss those reflective quiet moments with Ruth, when we were alone and Mutti’s and Rosa’s spirit joined ours in love and harmony. Ruth passed on August 8, one day prior to the anniversary of my birthmother Rosa’s death. I am only able to miss Rosa in spirit and regret misunderstanding her love for me. My half siblings to this day shed a tear when bringing up her memory. Not being able to share in that love is my singular greatest regret.

How remarkable, that the days of transitioning of these two mothers almost coincide. Mutti passed two weeks later on August 24, two days prior to my birthday. My beloved mother-in-law, Florita passed on August 20, Vati on August 21. My father Gil did not make it to August, he passed July 15 in the same year as Ruth. These coincidences are not meaningless, there are more connections that bring together my three mothers and three fathers (if Ruth’s husband is added to the mix: he transitioned July 31.) I believe we all knew, before incarnating into this existence, what role each of us was assigned. If only I could figure out WHY.


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